When M went back to Canada I was lost. I was working as a Paramedic at the time. I would go to work fine and then in the middle of the day at random times I would just start crying. I couldn't really control it. I had never missed anyone like this before in my life and didn't quite know what to do with it.
I worked with my best friend on the ambulance and she was helping to cover my complete inability to adapt. She would send me off to the bathroom when I started to cry and could make me laugh when no one else could.
M and I were still talking every day but it was difficult to coordinate. He had gone back and immediately started staying with one of his old friends. Being with friends and not in his own place made it difficult for him to access private phone time to talk to his little 'gori' girlfriend.
He had taken with him a little picture book that I gave him from our six months. There were a ton of pictures of he and I at the park, at the river, him looking up at me, me taking pictures of us together holding the camera away from us, us at the river. I had bought the little book for his going away. I thought it was fitting for it to be decorated by maps.