Sunday, May 1, 2011

Good Tidings of Great Joy

Today, my father-in-law called. He does not call often, in fact, it only happens once every two, sometimes three years. It is never "good" news when he called. . .unless you can count today.

Today, he called to tell M that the youngest brother in the family is getting married. He is the last in the family to do so. M's youngest brother is "W." W met the lady on the train last month. He was on the way with my MIL to the nephew's wedding in Lahore. On the train he "fell in love." He and the family have decided he will get married next month.

We are not invited to the wedding. . . but we are. . . .
hmmmmmmmm, what is the right word? "Requested?" "Ordered?" Hmmmmm, not sure. . .

We don't need to come, but should send $2,000 to pay for the wedding.

Can anyone explain to me exactly how I'm supposed to react to that?



  1. In my world, I would stay away from it. If your husband feels the need to pay up he can do so from his pocket money. He's not that rich? Ooops. He can tell them that he'll be happy to pay in instalments. $100 per month?

  2. We are in agreement. But, I think the $2,000, was meant to be an installment :/

  3. So they gravely overestimated your wealth... I blame Dynasty for the myth of American millionaires

  4. Is he the eldest son? I married an eldest son myself...

  5. Yes ma'am, he is an oldest son. . . .but it was my understanding that with the responsibility to put forth tons of money, you were supposed to get some sort of respect or something. . . my husband is not invited, he's just supposed to pay.

    . . .my husband wasn't involved in the process, he was, in fact, excluded purposefully. Now, after the fact, they call and tell him he needs to finance the whole thing. Frankly, not going to happen.

  6. MY ex was not the eldest son, actually the youngest and he was still "requested" (demanded is more like it)to send thousands of dollars. What did we get for our wedding? Not. one. red. cent.! 3 months after our marriage I received one outfit and costume jewelry. It's a tricky situation. I thought things went so well when you went to visit? Why would they not want him involved? I'd be pissed but it's such a thing in this culture, tread carefully.

  7. hmm... it sounds like they don't want their new inlaws to know or see that there is a ghori in the family.

    as the eldest brother, isn't he 'suppose' to buy some jewelry sets for the new bride? i would suggest telling them that if they want him to live up to his responsibilities as eldest son, that he will gladly do so, IN PERSON, with the eldest wife getting the proper respect of a bhaji! and tell them to start having your clothes and S's clothese made asap. you'll pay for those when u arrive :)

  8. the have to say YES MASTER...

    Thats how it is...yes...

  9. Ugh, I know this all too well. My desi guy is the youngest of 6 and gets asked for money all the time. Just the other day it was 5k so somebody could buy property in India. Thankfully we were on the same page and both said "who makes a property deal without securing the money first?" Doesn't matter that we said no, because another brother gave the money instead. It's a very frustrating thing! Anyway, love your blog and hope you continue to write more.